I just found out that my sister in law is pregnant. I am trying my best to compose myself while writing this post because I have a training I need to conduct a half hour from now and I would hate to have to explain the red puffy eyes.
We got the news yesterday and I lost it. I started crying. Ugly crying. This was harder than I thought it would be. It wasn't a surprise since I knew it would happen one day. They were married before we were and it's hubby's older brother. It's not that I'm not happy for them because I am and I know you guys understand. It just another reminder that we're not pregnant and it upsets me that we're infertile.
This will be the first grandchild on hubby's side of the family so I'm sure it will be the talk of our family dinners. My only reprieve is that they live in another state. For now that's a good thing. When the baby comes I'm sure I will wish that they were closer.
I'm sure there will be more news like this with our friends. There are two couples that don't have children yet. They were married a year before us so I'm sure it's just a matter of time. I can only hope that I will be pregnant or at least in a different state of being where I can really be happy for them and not jealous.
As for me, it's CD 12 and I'm just peeing on my OPK waiting for it be positive.
Oh, girl. I am so sorry that you just got this news! It's just so hard no matter who the person is or how long they've been married. If it's not you, it hurts. And sadly the closer the person is to you (family, friend, etc.) the more it hurts. I'll be thinking of you, try and take it easy and try not to guilt yourself too bad. It sucks.
ReplyDeleteI literally have been trying to post for days but haven't been able to.
ReplyDeleteI wanted to start out by saying I know EXACTLY what you're feeling. Back in early September, when my wounds from the ectopic were still very raw, my brother-in-law called my hubby to tell him the good news. They're pregnant. First try, and they got pregnant the week we had to terminate. I was so so so pissed off. I broke FOUR things in our house, including 2 fertility items, a picture frame and something else that I don't even remember. At one point, hubby called out for me to stop smashing things because he couldn't keep up with the cleaning (that makes me giggle to this day).
I am still angry about their pregnancy. So easy, no drama. She's over 6 months along and I am embarrassed to admit I have STILL not uttered a word of congratulations or anything to either of them. I've been meaning to for a few weeks now, sort of realize I have to. But I'm still just so pissed off. And angry at my own situation.
You're not alone in these thoughts. They're totally legitimate. Let yourself grieve and mourn and pout and be angry. The feelings won't necessarily pass, but they will get less raw.
xoxoxoxo
I know how that feels. It sucks!! My sister (10 years younger) has had the first grandchild in our family and I don't think she was even trying.
ReplyDeleteIt's still hard sometimes--my nephew is 1 1/2--but sometimes it's ok.
My heart aches for you...and for us all.