Gender Selection. Really?

Have you guys seen Sherri Shephard's Resolve video? She mentioned that they were able to tell the gender of the embryos before they transferred them. Of course I went to Dr. Google and found a FAQ from Belgium that they will only do this if there are valid medical reasons. Very interesting. Personally, I just want to have a healthy baby. I have yet to see 2 lines on that damn pregnancy test.

6DPIUI. Feeling very slight cramps every now and then. No different than other cycles but Miss Hope is still with me. I pray that this will be the cycle. As much as I am excited to be moving on to an RE and possible IVF, I am still wishing that we won't need to.  The clinic called yesterday and need *hubby to sign a medical release form. I'm hoping that this is the last thing we need to do. Oh and today I go in to do my Day 21 progesterone test. Third blood draw this month. Human pin cushion, that's how I roll!

* I need to find a better name for this man of mine. Hubby or DH is not doing it for me.

4

It all started Tuesday afternoon when I got home from work and got a positive OPK. I called the clinic yesterday morning and scheduled IUI #4.  I got a tentative appt at 11am and hubby's drop off time at 9am.  Tentative because my clinic needed to check with the lab to make sure no one else was dropping of their junk around the same time. I know. I don't understand either. This is why I can't wait to be referred to an fertility clinic. Anyway, I never got that call so we assumed everything was good to go and it was.

I checked in 10 minutes before my appointment and was seen at 11am. Assumed the normal position and OUCH. This is my 4th IUI and it never hurt this bad. I must have jerked a little because the doctor asked me if I was okay. I told him yes but that it was a little uncomfortable. I was trying to be a big girl you guys. It was like something really sharp jabbed me. Guess what he said. "Well this one's going to work. I made sure it's way up there." Um okay, well if this one's going to work then yeah go crazy doc. I really didn't say that but that's what I was thinking.  I also remembered that my first HSG didn't hurt and the results were that both of my tubes were blocked. My second HSG after my myomectomy hurt and showed that both tubes were clear so in my book pain is good. Thank goodness I have a high tolerance for pain. Infertility is not for the weak.

So here goes TWW for IUI #4.

Itchy Feet

I am so very thankful for all of you. Your comments give me hope and I am glad to have found this wonderful community. With that said I would like to talk about a saying we use in Hawaii called Itchy Feet. It's when you have that yearning to travel.  Have you heard of this saying?

With Izzy on her way to Europe and Belle who just bought her ticket to Vegas, I want to leave this rock and explore. Have you ever done a home exchange? If you haven't heard of this before it's when you stay in someone's home and they stay in yours. It's an alternative to staying at a hotel. If you have, I would love to hear about it. I haven't done one myself but I've thought about it. It just weirds me out a little thinking that someone will be sleeping on our bed and vice versa.  Anyway, let me know your thoughts on this.

As for places we should go. I would love to visit Spain, Ireland or Australia. If were to stay in the country, I have yet to visit San Francisco and Napa Valley. My feet are getting so itchy just writing this. We would still need to pick a date though and since we're not sure when we'll be starting IVF I don't know if I can set a date right now. I guess we could pick a date farther in the future, say October.  I would definitely need a vacation if we're not pregnant by then. I'm hoping we will be. Hope is so fickle.

Update on my cycle. CD 14. I'm still waiting for a positive OPK. I'm getting twinges and slight cramping. I also feel a little bloated. Also, I'm still waiting on the referral approval. I hope to get word before the end of this cycle. I would hate to wait for another cycle to see the RE.

News

I just found out that my sister in law is pregnant. I am trying my best to compose myself while writing this post because I have a training I need to conduct a half hour from now and I would hate to have to explain the red puffy eyes.

We got the news yesterday and I lost it. I started crying. Ugly crying. This was harder than I thought it would be. It wasn't a surprise since I knew it would happen one day. They were married before we were and it's hubby's older brother. It's not that I'm not happy for them because I am and I know you guys understand. It just another reminder that we're not pregnant and it upsets me that we're infertile.

This will be the first grandchild on hubby's side of the family so I'm sure it will be the talk of our family dinners. My only reprieve is that they live in another state. For now that's a good thing. When the baby comes I'm sure I will wish that they were closer.

I'm sure there will be more news like this with our friends. There are two couples that don't have children yet.  They were married a year before us so I'm sure it's just a matter of time. I can only hope that I will be pregnant or at least in a different state of being where I can really be happy for them and not jealous.

As for me, it's CD 12 and I'm just peeing on my OPK waiting for it be positive.

View from the Window

As I am washing my *dishes in the kitchen at work I look out the window and see a young woman walking down the street.  She's dressed very stylish as if she was walking down the Champs Élysées. At first I wondered if she had children. Then I thought about Paris. Wouldn't it be great to just up and leave. I let my mind go there.  To that place where we would be living a child free life. My heart aches just thinking about it at first but after realizing what we could do, it doesn't seem all that bad. We're not there yet but one can't help but think of the what if.

I know I've just started this journey but I always like to have something to look forward to. Something to be happy about after getting that BFN.  It softens the blow.  I would tell myself, it's ok at least now you can enjoy the sushi dinner coming up. As much as I hate to say this, the benefits of living child free will have to be my something to look forward to if this journey ends without a baby. Until then, bring on the hot flashes!

* my dear husband packed a little hot lunch for me today so I wanted to wash the containers

Med Newbie

So this is my first cycle on meds, specifically Clomid and I just wanted to tell you guys about the side effects I'm experiencing. They've been really mild. I've been having hot flashes at night that wake me up for a brief second.  Then this morning I felt really down. I didn't want to go to work. I just feel lazy and not happy. A little depressed. Now I'm just mellow. Not happy or sad. I guess I'm just cruising. 

Today is CD 4 so only 2 pills left.

Update and The Plan

Before I tell you about the plan let's talk about my progesterone test results.  16.4 ng/ml. Doctor said I ovulated. Good right? Count my blessings? I'm trying but AF showed yesterday so boo to 16.4 ng/ml.  DH counts were great too. 55 million, post wash. I don't know what else to say except BFN. On a positive note, we're moving on.

My doctor is referring me to the RE that I wanted to see  Three of my co-workers saw him and ALL three had successful pregnancies. They all had healthy girls. The approval for the referral will take about 2 weeks so while we wait my doctor wants to put me on a Clomid + IUI cycle.  I will take the Clomid (50 mg) on Days 3-7, do my OPK then IUI. Hopefully the referral will be approved before this cycle ends and I will be able to schedule an appointment with the RE. Of course I'm hoping that I won't need to see the RE because I will get pregnant on my first try at Clomid. Cue in Miss Hope's cousin Miss Wishful Thinking. But if not, I am excited to meet this RE and be in the hands of people whose job is to make babies.

My only concern besides waiting for the referral is the side effects of Clomid. Will this make me more of a B!*%@? Cause seriously this last cycle (no meds by the way) I almost ripped my husband's head off.

A Different Cycle

This cycle felt different. I didn't get my normal premenstrual symptoms. This maybe TMI but this is a infertility blog so there is no TMI right? Right. Ok, so normally on 4 DPO I start getting yellow discharge which eventually leads to spotting on 10 DPO and AF on 11 DPO.  This time I didn't get the yellow discharge and what ever symptoms I did have were very slight. I started to think that maybe we could join the IUI #3 worked for us group. Stupid naive little me.  I let Miss Hope skip her way into this cycle.

I started spotting this morning. 10 DPO. Right on time.  Something feels wrong.  I'm still waiting for my doctor to call with the results of my Day 21 Progesterone test. Although, all my signs show that I did ovulate (OPK and temperature) my body may just be fooling me and I don't want to be a fool.  I want to know. I need to know.

When he does call, I'll also ask about my referral to a RE.  So here I am back in the Waiting Line. Just Waiting.

2012

Happy New Year!

I hope that everyone was able to enjoy their holiday. It was really crazy for us but we made it. I am really looking forward to this new year. Hope has found me again and I am determined to welcome a baby this year. Who's with me?

I had my third IUI on Friday although my OPK turned positive on Saturday. It's ok though because as I mentioned in my last post, I have to go through 3 failed IUIs in order to be referred to a RE. My clinic was closed on Saturday so I just did the IUI on Friday. Honestly, I don't know if this IUI will work. I would love for it to be a BFP but deep down I'm just ready to move on to IVF. I will be getting my day 21 progesterone check so I'm curious to see the results.

In looking my back on 2011, there is one thing that I am truly grateful for. I am so lucky to have found you ladies. You have been such a tremendous support for me and it is such a blessing to know that you guys understand my ramblings about infertility and life in general.

My wish for all of you is that 2012 brings you your heart's desire. Whatever that maybe. Although, I may have a pretty good guess.