Hate is a strong word to me. I always use caution when using this word. I don't use it unless it's what I really feel because once it's said I can't take it back. Well, I hate infertility.
I'm so tired of this. My temp went down this morning so AF should be arriving today or tomorrow and I'm still waiting for our referral to go through. I called the clinic this morning and am waiting for a call back. More waiting. I hate this. I hate to have to wait another cycle. I need to know what our next steps are. I need to have a plan so I won't feel so sad and upset that my first medicated cycle failed. It just makes me want to quit. It gets harder and harder. The BFN hurts more each time. I honestly don't know how many more of these I can take. My emotions are all over the place and I hate that. I felt like I had no control over my emotions this cycle. I hate that I take it out on my husband. I hate wondering what went wrong or what could be wrong or why it didn't work. I hate that we will probably hear more pregnancy news from our friends and I can't be happy for them because I am too sad and jealous that it's not us.
I will probably feel better once I know about the referral. I will probably have hope again for this upcoming cycle once it's underway.
Thank you for listening and letting me rant. I just needed to get it all out.
I posted an almost exact blog post once. bout hate. I rarely use that word but I too use it for infertility. It may seem like you don't know how many more BFNs you have in you, but one thing I believe infertility teaches us is how strong we actually are and how much we can endure
ReplyDeleteNow, I say this knowing full well that I will collapse if my IVF cycle doesn't work. But I do try to remain positive and strong.
I am sorry AF is coming. I hope the referral comes through soon.
Oh girl, sorry about this. Those BFN's just get harder and harder it seems. I hope you hear something on the referral soon and can get going.
ReplyDeleteOh lady. I hear you. There's not one day that goes by that I wish every single one of us didn't have to live with the uncertainty and pain for IF anymore. That the BFNs were non-existent after 6 months. That there was a silver bullet so that everyone here could overcome infertility and go on with their lives. I'm also so sorry that AF is coming. I was really hoping.
ReplyDeletePlease know that I'm thinking of you tonight and sending you so much love.
I HATE it too..... I'm sorry. AF is such a BITCH! She'll be coming my way in the next couples days too and I'm sure I'll have a similar post. The hopelessness feels endless sometimes... try to hold on a little longer. Hope always sneaks in when we're not looking. Thinking of you!!
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