There's really nothing much going on with me. My levels have been going down. I've been updating my TTC History page with the numbers. It's been going down very slowly and just grueling. It's taking so long to get to zero. Good thing I'm not afraid of needles because I have to keep getting these blood tests until it hits 2 or 0.
I'm on Day 10 of my Insanity workout. It's hard but I kinda love it. I can't do all the reps and I do take breaks but I do feel stronger each day. It gives me a goal to work towards and helps me keep my mind off the wait. I haven't yet seen any results besides the couple pounds I've lost which is probably water weight so we'll see in a month.
The workout also comes with this nutrition book. I found it pretty interesting. It's not a diet but basically eating "clean". Nothing processed. I have to eat ~300 calories 5 times a day. In the beginning it was hard because I wasn't able to eat that much so often. I had to force myself and I've noticed that by doing so I was able to last longer during the workout. I wasn't as shaky.
I've been trying to think of good things to look forward to. I still wake up every morning with that emptiness. The memories of what we've been through still go through my mind. The 2 positive lines, the miscarriage and the partial molar pregnancy. I dread going back to the infertility clinic, the appointments and the waiting. I wonder if we will be able to get pregnant on our own within 3 months of trying. These are just some of the stuff that I still think about. I don't think it will ever go away. Until then I will work on me and my insanity.
I just got reading some of your previous posts. First of all, I am sorry for your loss. Our stories are similar in many ways. Our baby showed a heartbeat at 6 weeks, but just two weeks later, it was gone. I had no clue, no sign that anything could be wrong prior to this. I can relate to the work situation pretty well and finding pregnancy foods around the house. No one at work really knew I was pregnant, it was way too early to tell, but I guess they had their suspicions. I'm just not comfortable enough with them to share my whole story. It's such a long, difficult road and I hope you find some healing and peace soon.
ReplyDeleteIf it makes you feel better, you are not alone with the insanity. I'm still trying to keep mine at bay as well. I wish I had some great advice to share but sadly I don't know where to go either. I am just hoping for you that your numbers drop swiftly and that you can find some peace about going back to the clinic. I know what a hard thing that is to face. Sending you lots of hugs!
ReplyDeleteSo, tell me more about this insanity work out. Is it by the same people who do P90x...I tried that twice and failed miserably!!!!?? How long are the sessions? I'm so proud of your persistence. Day 10 is so good. Do you find that you feel satisfied at the end of the day with the 5 small meals?
ReplyDeleteI am praying for you! Praying that you will never have to walk into that infertility clinic again! Getting pregnant on your own would be so wonderful. Sending you huge hugs!