My Secret Stash

When I knew I had to have a myomectomy I started buying dresses.  I was told that it would be uncomfortable to wear pants since my belly would be swollen. It was a hopeful time.  I had thought that this surgery would cure my infertility and I would be pregnant in no time and those dresses would come in handy. Little did I know that those dresses would be the only thing I could wear because the surgery did not cure my infertility and I gained so much weight that I could no longer fit into my work pants or jeans.

When I was given the okay to exercise again, I didn't because although there was no proven fact that running would hurt conception, I didn't want to chance it. And so I continued to buy dresses and flowy tops because I refused to spend money on bigger pants.  I kept justifying these purchases on the hope that I would be pregnant soon. When that didn't happen I started to realize that some of these dresses and tops just made me look pregnant and that if I wore them people would start asking if I was expecting.  So I started a putting them in a drawer. It became my Secret Stash of tops and dresses that I would wear when I am pregnant.

It feels kind of dirty. I'm hiding away clothes.  My husband doesn't know about this drawer. I could put these clothes in my drawer with the rest of my clothes that I do wear but I don't. They have their own drawer and it's an exclusive club.  Only future pregnancy clothes can go in there. I don't intentionally buy these clothes. They're not from the maternity section. I just wanted to find tops that were loose enough to hide my muffin top and dresses that I could wear to work. They just didn't look right when I got home and were too cute to return.

So there, I confessed. I have a Secret Stash. Anyone else willing to come clean?